I Am Not That Girl. 

Eugh it’s that 5am feeling again. I haven’t posted in a while, life’s been getting in the way. Although I have been on some amazing travels lately, met some wonderful people and had my dose of refreshing cultural vibes. But why push back the real culprit behind my neglectful ways. Once again my pondering as gotten in the way. Pondering about who I am, where my life is heading, what I believe in,how different life would be if I was a little prettier, how much more confident and self-loving I would be. These silly inferior but superior insecurities always get the best of me. I’m always the willing victim of these voices who have found a home inside my head. Society is a petty little thing and coming from the South Asain good old community we know how to do petty better then anyone. We tell our daughters to be a certain way. The ultimate purpose of being this certain way is for others to approve. Nobody wants a mouthy, independent, opinionated daughter in law. Nobody wants a dusky, fat, ugly, dark, thick, hard-featured and all the other unbeautiful words you can think off as a wife. No as women we must be beautiful, after all that’s the first thing they notice, then it’s our waist lines. Third must come our etiquette, also our voices are important too. We must be soft spoken and not sound too harsh. Sometimes I wish I could be “that girl” just for one day. You know the fair skinned, slim, tall, beautiful soft haired, boy popular and Pakistani approved beauty. It must be a great feeling looking in the mirror everyday and not having to reassure yourself that your okay. Cause I’ve realised it. “That girl” is only so popular cause my society has given her such a position. The dark skinned, short, big fat nose girl is the opposite as society finds that look ugly so therefore has imprinted the word “unattractive” on every Pakistanis mind. In my culture there really is no such thing as “unconventional beauty” and it bloody sucks. Therefore I’ve decided to do something about this. My next upcoming posts will be focusing on unconventional beauties from Southern Asian backgrounds. I’m sick of not challenging outdated perceptions of what beauty is. I’ve been gone for a while but man am I ready to set shit on fire! I hope you all enjoyed this short welcome back hijabi on fire post 😉 

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